Light American Swill: Is it Truly the Devil?

louisville beer - mini miller high life

Thanks, Dad!

Full disclosure: Sometimes I drink Miller Lite. In fact, I drink it fairly often. I’m not necessarily proud of this, but I also am not ashamed to openly admit it.

Before I sound apologetic, know that I’m not. The metaphor I use is this: Light domestic swill is to beer as Taco Bell is to Mexican food. Even though deep down I know it constitutes corporate badness (and it is generally kind of gross and cheap-tasting), I still like it for reasons much different than my reasons for liking good beer or real Mexican food.

For my taste, having a craft beer is an experience in itself; it’s something I actually like to focus on while I’m experiencing it. But if I’m watching a Packers game with my buddies at Buffalo Wild Wings, I’d prefer to just drink the ice-cold swill rather than pay nine bucks for a Sam Adams.

Many years ago, I told New Albanian Brewing Company‘s Roger Baylor (the king of local fascist-killers) that I tended to think of Miller Lite as “beer soda.” He probably doesn’t remember this, but his response has always stuck with me. He said, “I think I’d rather just drink soda.”

His point was well taken, and still is.

But I actually think my fondness for the light stuff is the by-product of emotional attachment. My grandfather always had beer around, and it was usually Pabst Blue Ribbon (which I still drink occasionally). My dad also kept beer in the fridge, and it was (and still is) usually Miller High Life. I began begging for tastes of the stuff when I was probably no older than 5 or 6. To me, that fizzy yellow stuff was just what beer was.

Fast forward to age 10 or 11, when I took on the task of mowing the lawn. My dad stocked the fridge with the little 7-ounce High Life bottles back in those days (with the occasional foray into Lowenbrau or Little Kings), and often my reward for winning the battle with the front and back grass on a hot August day was my very own mini-sized bottle of cold beer.

Come on, what makes an 11-year-old boy feel like a man more than giving him his own freaking beer? (Remember, we’re talking pre-puberty here; the Farrah Fawcett poster came later.) But my beer puberty, if you will, really hit me when Bluegrass Brewing Company and, to a lesser extent, the Silo Brewpub opened their doors. That’s when I grew up and came to truly appreciate the difference between beer and what I had come to know as beer. (Thank you, Dave Pierce.)

No one has to preach to me about the evils of Anheuser-Busch, MillerCoors, etc. I get it. They are the Wal-Marts of beer. They are the major-label, Auto-Tuned pop bands of beer. They would happily squash every microbrewery on the face of the planet and force us all to suck fizzy piss-water from their teats of corporate greed, if only they could.

But they can’t; if it was possible to force free-thinking people to  have absolutely no taste, we’d all be puckered up and going at it relentlessly right now. Instead, I’m planning to schedule a brewpub tour with my girlfriend and you’re reading a blog post about beer appreciation. Cheers to beer.

Miller 64 Jingle is Just the Popeye Theme

popeye - louisville beer blogIf you watch ESPN as much as I do, you’ve no doubt been haunted by the new Miller 64 commercial, which features curiously good-looking yet happy-go-lucky frat brats frolicking together. With cheap beer and badly-mimicked recreation as the impetus.

They grill steaks, one of them gets his ass kicked by a girl (a girl!), they carry logs, they play overhead-slam table tennis, they cavort with really cute girls and they finally inform us that Miller 64 was “Brewed for the Better You.” The only thing missing is, well, more really cute girls.

The accompanying jingle was meant to sound like a traditional Irish drinking song (although it’s hard to imagine an Irishman drinking Miller 64, but whatever). Thing is, it only took me a listen or two before realizing all the MillerCoors marketing geniuses had done was rewrite the “Popeye the Sailor Man” theme.

It’s a really simple ditty, just three chords of whimsical goodness (most likely C, F and G, if you were wondering), but really MillerCoors?This is the best you can do? Ripping off a beloved cartoon character’s theme song and turning it into a thinly-veiled cash grab?

I can hardly wait for the next Coors Light campaign: Perhaps instead of a frozen CGI train, it will feature a sorority girl flash mob singing and dancing to a revamped version of “Hong Kong Phooey”?